I've been going around the store looking for some of the poorest choices in Tag Lines and Subtitles around. Here in issue #1 are some of the "best" I've found.
Six: The Mark Unleashed
Lets take a look at the synopsis for what must be cinema gold.
"In the last days before Armageddon, a brutal dictator rules Earth. Using high-tech surveillance from satellites through a sophisticated chip implant, the Community Police Force infiltrates every facet of human existence, tracing each physical and digital footprint left behind. For humanity, freedom is just a fond memory and defiance means death. Two political prisoners (David White, Kevin Downes) meet a mysterious stranger (Stephen Baldwin) who holds the key to their escape and mankind’s survival. Unbeknownst to the prisoners, CPF agents broker a deal with an inmate (Jeffrey Dean Morgan) for his life in exchange for betraying Christian renegades. These three unlikely allies must escape the executioner’s blade, thwart a manhunt by elite CPF operatives (Amy Moon, Brad Heller) and join forces with the world’s most wanted fugitive: the leader of the resistance (Cosimo Michael). If they fail, humanity will be marked for death, the resistance will collapse and the enemy will have taken every last life."
Well what could we really expect with the subtitle "The Mark Unleashed." Personally, I consider the ANTI-CHRIST a little wild and uncontrolled to begin with, is it really necessary to qualify him now as Unleashed? Plus it seems that the dictator/Anti-Christ is already in control, shouldn't it read then "The Mark was Unleashed?" Also the mark is 666 not just six. If you are gonna use the very creative marketing strategy of adding "unleashed" to our subtitle why not go for an edgier title too, like Six^3 (Six cubed) or 6ix.
Stephen Baldwin would have totally ate up 6ix.
Rec
Now this one was actually received rather well. Hollywood in all it's infinite glory even decided to remake it for that large section of America that won't read shit, especially subtitles. Despite all that however we still have this charming tag line.
"Trapped. No Mercy. No Escape. No One Gets Out Alive."
Ok...trapped, that's bad, I don't want to be trapped. What? No mercy either? Well that sucks, sounds like a real bad time. No escape? Well shit.....I'm trapped and I can not escape. But I guess if I were trapped and there as an open door or window I wouldn't feel so bad about things. Oh damn, no one gets our alive?! Oh, but there is "NO ESCAPE".........so if I want out I have to die or what? I'm confused now.
Treasure N Tha Hood
Just encase you are like me and have not seen this masterpiece.
"In the early eighties, two small-time criminals go on a crime spree, stealing over one million dollars in cash and jewels from a New Orleans crime lord. Their last caper goes awry leaving the two dead, but not before they hide the last of their "treasure" in a huge abandoned factory. A few years later the plant is demolished and a housing project is built on the site. Now, 20 years later, the "treasure" in the hood is nothing more than an urban myth, that it, until Deion, a good-natured but under-achieving college student who lives in the neighborhood with his cantankerous Uncle Willie, believes he has discovered the key to the mystery. As the word gets out, the neighborhood goes berserk, sending everyone digging holes everywhere. Laughs abound as this wacky situation goes from outrageous to ludicrous. "
"Sometimes you find treasure in the funniest of places"
Seems like a pretty average tag line. Wait, are those quotes? Don't call me an expert but my experience with quotes being on box art or posters the quote is a statement about the film from a review, followed by who said the quote to give it some credibility. We have the quotes but who is the author? Is this from the New Yorker? Snoop Dogg? Blender? Newsweek? your grandma? WHAT? TELL ME? My best guess is that it's a quote from the movie. That way the audience can get the classic "aaaaaaaahh sheeeeeeeeet they say that on tha box, yo!" response, you know like in Citizen Kane. "ahhhhhh sheeeeeet, it's tha sled, bro."
